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| Dan, Kate, John, Mom and Pat |
I am the youngest of four and the only girl. There is a fourteen-year age difference
between my oldest brother and me. This
actually was a huge blessing for me as we lost our Dad when I was 17. I believe these three factors created an
interesting dynamic among us.
Some of my earliest memories of the two oldest boys are from
their late high school years, and I specifically remember in preschool sending
Pat letters when he was in college. To a
preschooler “letters” meant: A A A A A A A A B B B B, and so on. Clearly I was still a literal thinker at that
point in my development. I also remember
engraving letters on the living room coffee table with a set of car keys one
brother left there, but I digress. By
the time I was in 5th grade Dan and Pat had finished college and
married their high school sweethearts.
John was close to finishing high school at that point. By the time I was in junior high I was the
only child living at home. So basically
half my childhood involved my brothers in the home, and half was similar to
being an only child with the addition of these adult men around for family
gatherings.
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| Pat taking me for a ride on our cousins' pony. |
We developed strong relationships, but different from what
you would expect if we were closer in age.
I couldn’t compete with them fairly in any games, though John did enjoy
beating me in Monopoly and chess. I
could swim faster, but since they are all at or above the six-foot mark, they
often beat my small stature in the dive.
But still, we did lots of things together, just not your typical
“growing up together” stuff.
Throughout my childhood our family was rooted in traditions,
so even though the older boys didn’t live under the same roof we shared these
traditions, which contributed to our closeness.
The brothers who lived nearby were part of the same church family and
each Sunday we shared a large Sunday brunch that included our neighbors, the
Cullinanes. Each week any member of
either family could count on scrambled eggs, fresh rolls, orange juice, coffee
and bacon. Both families had large
homes, yards and pools so when it was hot everyone gathered for swimming and a
barbeque. The same people gathered for
Christmas and birthdays. These
traditions kept my brothers and their growing families around the old
homestead, and me.
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| Some of the family in Breckenridge for Ryan and Lauren's wedding |
My oldest brother Dan entered the air force after
college. As newlyweds he and Stephanie traveled
to Texas, California, New Hampshire and Ohio.
I remember spending Spring Break in New Hampshire with my sister-in-law’s youngest sister. I think Dan ended up
being on “Alert” all week, but we had a blast learning to macramé hanging plant
holders! When my parents wanted to get
away for the weekend I could stay with Pat and Peggy, who lived closer to
us. John married a little later in life
but I have fond memories of when he began his professional career. He lived local and didn’t have a washer or
dryer so paid me to do his laundry. That
was a win-win for both of us. During
that time he would take me out for dinner about once a month, which was a real
treat in the late 70’s.
As adults we all had children of our own over the course of
20+ years. During that time, we each
moved in different directions as well. I
have the youngest of the nieces and nephews for obvious reasons. To give you an idea of the age spread, Smyth
was born about ten days after my second oldest niece graduated from college. Besides the age difference, this generation
of Bradys is faced with geographic challenges.
Both John and I put roots down on the west coast, he in Southern
California and me in the Northwest. Once
Dan was finished with his military service, his family stayed in the east. Pat ended up spending a couple of decades
moving around, mostly on the eastern seaboard, but there was a stint in
California.
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| My lovely mom and beautiful sister-in-laws |
Once the West Coast siblings had children, the
sister-in-laws decided to make a concerted effort to have family reunions so
all the cousins could be together at once.
Although we traveled to see each other, it was important to gather
everyone at one time so the cousins could all make connections. The first was right after Emily was born and
we held it in New Jersey. The next one
was shortly after Jack was born and was more of a “destination” reunion. We rented condos on Lake Tahoe and had a
blast. The last big one we had was in
Sunriver, Oregon. By this time the
oldest cousins were college age and often couldn’t get time off or were
away on their own summer adventures.
Within a few years our family reunions morphed into gathering for one of
the nieces or nephews weddings. Time
does march on, but it still gave us reason to gather everyone at one time.
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| Fun in the sun with nieces and sister-in-laws |
These days all of the nieces and nephews are adults with the
exception of Jack and Smyth. Some live
near each other and some have traveled off to different states. It has been fun to watch the cousin
relationships mature over the years and to see their interactions with the
aunts, uncles and grandparents. It is
nice to see the intentionality of the cousins to gather together for weddings,
births of children or a simple barbeque.
It is also beautiful to watch them honor their grandmother with visits,
computer help, clothes shopping and making her eggplant Parmesan. I paint an ideal picture of our family life,
but there have been bumps in the road for all of us. That however is a different essay, and I dare not digress in that direction.
Watching the interactions of this next generation of Bradys
has made me realize a couple of things.
First, there are times I feel closer to my nieces in our season of life,
than my brothers. Part of that is an
illusion on my part of thinking I am younger than my years and part might be the girl connection. My brothers still have an important role in
my life, but given our age difference it is what I would term a loving mentor
relationship. I have spent many a tax
season on the phone with Pat and John is my go-to for computer and software
help. Dan works on household projects
when he visits, installing thermostats and touching up paint. Each of my brothers married women I consider
friends and practically sisters. I feel incredibly blessed to have the support
and connections with my brothers and sister-in-laws, for they have helped shape
me into the adult I am today.
Still, I feel a strong connection to my nieces and nephews
who have grown into incredible, caring adults.
I love who they are and the relationship they have with each other and
my children. Some of my nieces helped
Emily navigate through some bumps in the road during high school, which drew
them even closer. Jack is starting to
look at colleges and is intrigued by some of the nephews’ alma maters. And Smyth, well he just knows there is a
whole lot of loving whenever he sees his cousins. All that leaves me smiling, knowing that my
kids feel part of something bigger than our little family. They know there are a whole lot of cousins,
aunts and uncles and a couple of grandmothers who all have their backs. That is the dynamic I love, and it is one
that came about with intention. With
that said, it is time for another wedding gathering, and luckily for us there
is one on the horizon.