A Mother Can Only Be as Happy as...

When my children were all small a very insightful mom told me "a mother can only be as happy as her least happiest child."  This wise mother is John's cousin Jane.  Her boys were in high school and college at the time, and she was staying in Portland because one of her boys was hospitalized here.  That phrase has stayed with me over these years and when things get rough with raising teens, I often reflect back on it.

Six weeks ago Jack was diagnosed with mono.  Certainly not a terminal disease, but one that has brought a lot of stress into our lives.  Although Jack is through with the acute phase of mono, he relapsed and the fatigue drags on as the homework assignments pile up.  Additionally, he does not intrinsically want to eat.  He lost twenty pounds in the first couple of weeks as he had no appetite and it hurt to swallow, so he didn't.  He is slowly putting some meat back on his bones, but it takes reminding and planning.

Jack is a Junior in high school and carries a pretty strenuous class load.  He has three college level classes, two math classes and a foreign language which is much more academic rigor then I ever took!  Now, did I mention he hasn't been in school for the past six weeks and it doesn't look like he is going back any time soon?  Between this and the weight loss, much of what I do revolves around mono.

These last few days I have wrestled with some different strategies for getting Jack caught up before the end of the semester (which is only 21 school days away).  John and I thought that between both our gifts and talents we should be able to teach several of these content areas to Jack and get him caught up.  But did you know that people with mono aren't awake for long periods of time?  Jack can sleep for 14-16 hours straight, be awake for four or five hours, then sleep for another ten hours straight.  It is much easier to figure out a strategy to help him gain back some weight then it is to catch up on the school work!

As I mentioned earlier, I have wrestled with some different educational strategies.  One that was suggested was a getting a Home Teacher from the school district.  It sounds simple on the surface - the student has been out of school for the most part for six weeks so he should qualify for this service.  But, this brings about a boat load of questions for me: How will this look on his college transcript? Will he still be eligible to play basketball once he is healthy? Will they teach the same classes or minimize his current schedule?  Who will issue the grade - the Home Teacher or school teacher?  Now I am sure some of you paused when you read the word basketball, but that is an intergal part of my struggle.  It would be easy for me to tell him "we need to focus on academics and not worry about sports" - but I know basketball is a very strong motivator for Jack.  So on the surface this strategy sounds simple, but the more I think about it, the more complicated it is.  Hence, I have been wrestling with this decision.

So reflecting back on what Jane said so many years ago, I now understand her meaning.  Although Jack is not technically unhappy (tired, and at times crabby), the mono has brought about some parenting stress.  I plan his meals, monitor his caloric intake, call the school everyday, email all his teachers, plan with Jack what one class he can manage to go to the next day, work with him during his peak time to get some work done, triage with Jack and John the assignments, and more.  It is hard to find happiness when juggling all these things and when I look at him I know I am shouldering more of the stress in this situation.  I guess that goes with the parenting role, and what Jane said, "a mother can only be as happy as her least happiest child." 

All three kids - happy at the same time - make for a happy mama.

I pray when this chapter has past I can look back and know I made the right choice.  I signed the paper today that will hopefully bring us help as we dig out of this hole I shall name "the mono pit."  I pray it does not have a negative impact on his ability to play basketball when he is healthy or longer term consequences on his final transcript.  I pray he regains his health soon and is able to return to school full time.  I pray for patience as I seem to have run out.  Most of all, I pray that each of my children will be happy and healthy at the same time, so this mama may also be happy.