Life Lessons Learned on a Football Field

Before the start of each game, the captains walk
out to meet the opposing team's captain for the coin toss.
These young men are selected based on their leadership.

Friday night was the last high school football game of the season, and for many of the athletes it was the last game of their lives.  Sure, there will be pick up games, but that night was the last night many of them will ever suit up in full gear and play with those teammates.  There are always a lot of emotions when a sport season comes to an end for any athlete.  Each season bonds are forged, goals are set and hopefully accomplished, and a lot of personal growth takes place.  After the final game there is a spectrum of emotions that both athletes and parents feel as they process the finality of it all.  These past few days we have felt all these things.

Something happened after the game Friday night that was so moving, even at that moment it felt as if I were watching a sacred event unfold before my eyes.  To fully understand the meaning a little context is required.  All season long, the parents would wait until the teams congratulated each other before walking down to the field.  We would all congregate around our team huddle and wait for the boys to lift their fists and say something in unity before they turned and walked over to us.  Friday night was different, and for more reasons than the loss.  That night marked the end, and witnessing it felt like watching a sacred event. 

Personally, I was not caught up in the emotions that many of the parents experienced.  This is Jack’s first and last season, so we didn’t have as much invested as other parents.  Many of these families have been together for years.  In a way that gave me a somewhat impartial eye to witness the events unfold.  When the boys gathered into their last team huddle they stood motionless.  I suspect the coaches helped the young men shift their thinking from the loss to what they achieved and possibly they told them how proud they are of each of them.  The talk ended but the young men were not ready to take the next step.  They stood motionless for a few moments, a few long moments.  Then slowly they turned to each other and started hugging, sharing words and for some, openly crying.  Yet, as they did this, none of them turned around.  None.  It was clear that not one of them was ready for the moment to end.  Slowly, they moved around this nucleus with a chasm between them and us.  Keeping their backs to us – their family and friends – the young men continued to support each other and stretch that last moment.  Finally, one by one they broke the bond holding them together, and turned to face us parents.  Like I said earlier, it was like witnessing a sacred moment up close. 

I believe each one of the young men experienced a lot that night.  The seniors crossed the threshold of an important milestone.  For some, football is their identity, the core of who they are: a teammate, an athlete, and a leader.  Those seniors knew the moment they turned to face us parents and friends, it would be the first step into a new, possibly undefined part of their senior year.  It was their first major “last” event during this senior year.  There are some who will transition into other sports or activities, but that too is a giant step away from their identity as a football player.  I suspect many of the young men have been playing since elementary school, and this marked the last time they will don the armor of the game. 

As the young men broke away from each other, some shed tears while others held back but one thing was obvious, there was a lot of emotion down on that field.  When the coaches turned away from the huddle, some stopped to talk with parents while others busied themselves with the task of packing up.  Regardless, I could see in everyone’s eyes and body language that the coaches too were processing the end of a wonderful season but through the lens of a final loss.  Each will move at their own pace to the point where the beauty of this season is a stronger memory than that last loss.

Through the coaching staff’s commitment, these young men learned more than good techniques and strategies – they learned more than lessons associated with setting goals and working to achieve them.  We know they will all face different obstacles in life, but the skills learned during practice, games and that last huddle will help them find the strength and desire to move forward and overcome whatever challenge they face. 

This season was meaningful.  For that to occur, I recognize that the coaching staff has orchestrated something that doesn’t show up in the win-loss column.  The closeness of these young men speaks volumes toward the healthy attitudes and relationships amongst the team.  But the season was meaningful for more than those with uniforms, it was meaningful for the parents and the student body as well.  Am I happy that the team had a winning season?  Sure.  Do I appreciate how connected these young men are and how much they have grown on and off the field?  Absolutely.  That is the meaningful part, and the piece that will stay with them for the rest of their lives.  And for that I want to thank everyone on the coaching staff.  It was a beautiful season.

Go Get Your Car Washed

I believe in youth car washes.  This is not something I ever had a strong opinion about before this weekend, but the action of a bunch of young men changed my mind.  My boys are on a football team and they scheduled several car washes this Spring to raise money to help pay for summer camps and equipment.  Our turn rolled around on Saturday so I found myself hanging out with about ten 17 year old guys who worked really hard for four straight hours in the blistering heat.  Needless to say, I was impressed.

So why is this a new revelation?  I think because I was able to witness first hand the attitude these young men had about the job before them.  In my opinion high school kids are old enough to take a leading role in their own fund raising, be it selling things or activities involving sweat equity such as this car wash.  The young men that were washing cars on Saturday had a great attitude, which made them a pleasure to be around.  Maybe it was because they enjoy hanging out with each other, maybe it was because the sun was shining and this beats homework, or maybe it was because some of them have a genuine interest in cars. It could have been all of the above.

There is one piece of this fund raiser I failed to mention - the deposit can drive.  The boys literally recycled hundreds of cans and bottles.  When you do this as a fund raiser, you get the stickiest, smelliest cans and bottles around.  Whenever there was a lull in the car washing action, the young men fed the machines bottle after bottle.  While I understand some guys like cars and washing them isn't much of a chore, no one likes doing can and bottle returns.  Yet here these big guys were, working their way through bag after bag of donated deposit bottles.  Talk about sweat equity.

So the next time you see a youth car wash, drive up and let them work for a donation.  Maybe they will do a great job, maybe they will miss some spots.  Let them learn that we as a community will support them when they are willing to work.

Youth Sports: Wrap It Up on Time Coach

I love youth sports.  My children have played on at least 120 different teams over the past 14 years and that alone should prove that point.  I say "at least" because I couldn't accurately count the Fall and Spring basketball teams the boys played on, All Star and Honors Little League or the Club water polo team Emily competed with since I can't exactly remember when each started those.  So all in all we could be talking closer to 135 different teams with the three kids across the four seasons.  I know their participation in youth sports has shaped them into wonderful young adults.  The lessons learned on the field, court, pool and diamond include leadership, responsibility, goal setting, roles, that life is not always fair and the refs don't always call things the way you see them.  But there is one thing that pushes my buttons, and that is when the coach keeps the athletes after practice when I have other places to go.

In the beginning of my parenting years, I didn't mind too much as we weren't so immersed.  Before I knew it, all three kids were doing sports from Fall through Spring.  During those years I wasn't as concerned if my kids made the highest level team, for me it was all about the carpool - who on this team lives near us?!  The Fall was always the hardest as the kids became older.  John would be coaching full time at the high school and left me to get all three children to and from practices, which is why I relied on carpools so much.  As the children reached later elementary years, I noticed a trend where the practices ran past the scheduled time.  Sometimes it was because the coaches had the athletes do some of the clean up and transport of equipment back to their cars.  OK, I understand we are building responsibility.  As we entered the middle school years, I noticed team meetings after practices that stretched the "end time" by another 20 minutes.  Well, I guess they are learning more about their roles as teammates and possibly game strategies.  But always in the back of my mind I thought to myself "if this meeting time is so important, extend the end time in the email sent out to all the parents!"

There was one time period and one particular season that is embedded in my memory.  It was the Fall of Emily, Jack and Smyth's 9th, 7th and 5th as well as their 10th, 8th and 6th grade years.  It was the Fall, so John was coaching more than full time and I was left getting everyone to their water polo, soccer and football practices and games.  Emily did not have her license yet so I was flying solo.  I ended up paying an upper class man who played water polo and lived near us to transport Emily consistently.  Best $5 per week I ever spent.  So that left me picking up Jack from Rock Creek and Smyth from Five Oaks at exactly the same time.  For those of you familiar with the area, you would think grabbing Smyth from Five Oaks then dealing with the six traffic lights in rush hour (which sometimes meant waiting through two to three cycles to get through each light) and heading to Rock Creek would make the most sense.  Except football practices NEVER end when the email says they end.  So, many times I would try to run to the other school to get Jack only to come back and find Smyth with the team parent in the parking lot giving me the evil eye - because those six lights can take 30 minutes round trip that time of night.  So often I was left with the decision of figuring out which child to leave stranded at a field waiting for me because their coach doesn't end practice when they say it will end.  Often I sacrificed Smyth knowing there were several moms who I got to know and they made sure he was safe while I did battle with traffic and hoping all the while the soccer coach kept a better time schedule.  Sometimes that worked, other times weren't so pretty.  Eventually I asked one of the football coaches for rides for Smyth and he was always gracious.  But still, in the back of my mind I just wished they would manage their time better so I could manage mine!!  If the clean up and the meetings are so important, budget time for them in the practice and stick to the schedule.  It would certainly make my carpool time more relaxed knowing exact end times!!  I really became grumpy when I would leave my high school student's game to pick my middle school student up from practice only to sit in a parking lot - waiting for another 20 minutes, missing the second half of the game.

Today was one of those days.  Our baseball double header was rained out so a last minute batting practice was called for 2pm.  No end time in the email - oops!!  I sent Smyth with his cell phone, but then ran into one of the coaches in the parking lot.  He told me it would be an hour, and if it is different, he would have Smyth text me.  OK, fair enough.  I did get a text telling me the practice would be and hour and a half so whoo hoo, schedule the errands.  John is out of town, so I time everything and head back to the school at the designated time.  Yet I ended up sitting there another 30 minutes.

At this point I would like to write an open letter to all youth coaches.  I would tell them that I completely understand they are volunteers and I appreciate the time commitment they invest in these athletes.  I would let them know my husband has volunteered to coach both youth basketball and baseball for more then 14 years, so I really do understand their time commitment is tremendous.  The one piece of constructive criticism I would give is that they need to honor my time commitment too, especially when I have two to three children to pick up at the exact same time from three different locations.  I would love to say my husband is diligent in this area when he coaches, but honestly he needs to hear it too.  Families in sports often run on a tight time schedule in the evening, so when you think the wisdom you need to pass along to the athletes right after practice is more important than keeping to the schedule you sent out in an email - think again.  We also teach these athletes a lot about time management.  So speaking for all the parents with multiple children playing on multiple teams, just tell me when practice really ends and I'll be there.