I have today off, and so do the boys. John had Friday off. Sound good to you? Well, I'd rather be teaching. I would rather have my boys in their classes, but instead we are home. Today is a "Budget Reduction Day" for Beaverton School District, while Friday St. Helens School District had one. Beaverton had four Budget Reduction Days this school year with another five for next. St. Helens School District had eight this year. No matter what you call it, our family pays dearly for these days off, both financially and in terms of a shortened school year when Jack can use every possible day to help him succeed during his all important Junior Year.
This past year has been a difficult year to teach. Each day I walk into my school and see the impact of the budget cuts. We have shouldered cuts for the past five years and it has taken it's toll. The result is one less administrator in the building, ten less teachers, no librarian, the elimination of some elective classes, one less PE teacher, one less counselor and of course a smaller building budget to buy needed supplies. This creates an environment where we all put on our best face with the students but shoulder the responsibility of caring for and teaching more students than ever. Recently we found out about the proposed cuts if the Levy doesn't pass in Beaverton and it sucked the air right out of the room. Seriously. The loss of two more teachers and the elimination of our Intervention classes (which target students at risk in reading and math). You could hear a pin drop.
So here we are at the end of April and I struggle with how I feel about today. Granted, it is a day off - but it is a Monday and I should be teaching. My boys should be sitting at their desks. My students should have access to the supports listed in the IEPs. So why are we all sitting at home? To balance a budget. A school budget that has been cut by $140 million over the past five years in Beaverton. This must stop, we cannot go on like this anymore.
In a couple of weeks, we have the opportunity to express how we want to respond to this situation. The proposed levy for the May 21st will restore up to 150 teachers district wide, which will come down to 2-3 more teachers per building next year. It doesn't replace all that has been cut, but it prevents further cuts and restores a few more teachers, reducing class sizes. If there is any doubt in your mind about this levy, come visit my classroom. I will show you first hand how the past five years of budget cuts have impacted my classroom and my school.
So my emotions are mixed about sitting at home today. Maybe it will serve as a grave reminder to all voters in Beaverton that we cannot afford another school year with less instructional time, fewer teachers, and larger class sizes. If that is the case, then I am glad something positive will come out of today. I hope our community rallies around the school and sends a strong message that we value education and know the impact it has on our children, our future. I hope today is a reminder that we need to pass the Beaverton Levy in a few weeks.
Monday, April 29, 2013
Saturday, April 6, 2013
Youth Sports: Wrap It Up on Time Coach
I love youth sports. My children have played on at least 120 different teams over the past 14 years and that alone should prove that point. I say "at least" because I couldn't accurately count the Fall and Spring basketball teams the boys played on, All Star and Honors Little League or the Club water polo team Emily competed with since I can't exactly remember when each started those. So all in all we could be talking closer to 135 different teams with the three kids across the four seasons. I know their participation in youth sports has shaped them into wonderful young adults. The lessons learned on the field, court, pool and diamond include leadership, responsibility, goal setting, roles, that life is not always fair and the refs don't always call things the way you see them. But there is one thing that pushes my buttons, and that is when the coach keeps the athletes after practice when I have other places to go.
In the beginning of my parenting years, I didn't mind too much as we weren't so immersed. Before I knew it, all three kids were doing sports from Fall through Spring. During those years I wasn't as concerned if my kids made the highest level team, for me it was all about the carpool - who on this team lives near us?! The Fall was always the hardest as the kids became older. John would be coaching full time at the high school and left me to get all three children to and from practices, which is why I relied on carpools so much. As the children reached later elementary years, I noticed a trend where the practices ran past the scheduled time. Sometimes it was because the coaches had the athletes do some of the clean up and transport of equipment back to their cars. OK, I understand we are building responsibility. As we entered the middle school years, I noticed team meetings after practices that stretched the "end time" by another 20 minutes. Well, I guess they are learning more about their roles as teammates and possibly game strategies. But always in the back of my mind I thought to myself "if this meeting time is so important, extend the end time in the email sent out to all the parents!"
There was one time period and one particular season that is embedded in my memory. It was the Fall of Emily, Jack and Smyth's 9th, 7th and 5th as well as their 10th, 8th and 6th grade years. It was the Fall, so John was coaching more than full time and I was left getting everyone to their water polo, soccer and football practices and games. Emily did not have her license yet so I was flying solo. I ended up paying an upper class man who played water polo and lived near us to transport Emily consistently. Best $5 per week I ever spent. So that left me picking up Jack from Rock Creek and Smyth from Five Oaks at exactly the same time. For those of you familiar with the area, you would think grabbing Smyth from Five Oaks then dealing with the six traffic lights in rush hour (which sometimes meant waiting through two to three cycles to get through each light) and heading to Rock Creek would make the most sense. Except football practices NEVER end when the email says they end. So, many times I would try to run to the other school to get Jack only to come back and find Smyth with the team parent in the parking lot giving me the evil eye - because those six lights can take 30 minutes round trip that time of night. So often I was left with the decision of figuring out which child to leave stranded at a field waiting for me because their coach doesn't end practice when they say it will end. Often I sacrificed Smyth knowing there were several moms who I got to know and they made sure he was safe while I did battle with traffic and hoping all the while the soccer coach kept a better time schedule. Sometimes that worked, other times weren't so pretty. Eventually I asked one of the football coaches for rides for Smyth and he was always gracious. But still, in the back of my mind I just wished they would manage their time better so I could manage mine!! If the clean up and the meetings are so important, budget time for them in the practice and stick to the schedule. It would certainly make my carpool time more relaxed knowing exact end times!! I really became grumpy when I would leave my high school student's game to pick my middle school student up from practice only to sit in a parking lot - waiting for another 20 minutes, missing the second half of the game.
Today was one of those days. Our baseball double header was rained out so a last minute batting practice was called for 2pm. No end time in the email - oops!! I sent Smyth with his cell phone, but then ran into one of the coaches in the parking lot. He told me it would be an hour, and if it is different, he would have Smyth text me. OK, fair enough. I did get a text telling me the practice would be and hour and a half so whoo hoo, schedule the errands. John is out of town, so I time everything and head back to the school at the designated time. Yet I ended up sitting there another 30 minutes.
At this point I would like to write an open letter to all youth coaches. I would tell them that I completely understand they are volunteers and I appreciate the time commitment they invest in these athletes. I would let them know my husband has volunteered to coach both youth basketball and baseball for more then 14 years, so I really do understand their time commitment is tremendous. The one piece of constructive criticism I would give is that they need to honor my time commitment too, especially when I have two to three children to pick up at the exact same time from three different locations. I would love to say my husband is diligent in this area when he coaches, but honestly he needs to hear it too. Families in sports often run on a tight time schedule in the evening, so when you think the wisdom you need to pass along to the athletes right after practice is more important than keeping to the schedule you sent out in an email - think again. We also teach these athletes a lot about time management. So speaking for all the parents with multiple children playing on multiple teams, just tell me when practice really ends and I'll be there.
In the beginning of my parenting years, I didn't mind too much as we weren't so immersed. Before I knew it, all three kids were doing sports from Fall through Spring. During those years I wasn't as concerned if my kids made the highest level team, for me it was all about the carpool - who on this team lives near us?! The Fall was always the hardest as the kids became older. John would be coaching full time at the high school and left me to get all three children to and from practices, which is why I relied on carpools so much. As the children reached later elementary years, I noticed a trend where the practices ran past the scheduled time. Sometimes it was because the coaches had the athletes do some of the clean up and transport of equipment back to their cars. OK, I understand we are building responsibility. As we entered the middle school years, I noticed team meetings after practices that stretched the "end time" by another 20 minutes. Well, I guess they are learning more about their roles as teammates and possibly game strategies. But always in the back of my mind I thought to myself "if this meeting time is so important, extend the end time in the email sent out to all the parents!"
There was one time period and one particular season that is embedded in my memory. It was the Fall of Emily, Jack and Smyth's 9th, 7th and 5th as well as their 10th, 8th and 6th grade years. It was the Fall, so John was coaching more than full time and I was left getting everyone to their water polo, soccer and football practices and games. Emily did not have her license yet so I was flying solo. I ended up paying an upper class man who played water polo and lived near us to transport Emily consistently. Best $5 per week I ever spent. So that left me picking up Jack from Rock Creek and Smyth from Five Oaks at exactly the same time. For those of you familiar with the area, you would think grabbing Smyth from Five Oaks then dealing with the six traffic lights in rush hour (which sometimes meant waiting through two to three cycles to get through each light) and heading to Rock Creek would make the most sense. Except football practices NEVER end when the email says they end. So, many times I would try to run to the other school to get Jack only to come back and find Smyth with the team parent in the parking lot giving me the evil eye - because those six lights can take 30 minutes round trip that time of night. So often I was left with the decision of figuring out which child to leave stranded at a field waiting for me because their coach doesn't end practice when they say it will end. Often I sacrificed Smyth knowing there were several moms who I got to know and they made sure he was safe while I did battle with traffic and hoping all the while the soccer coach kept a better time schedule. Sometimes that worked, other times weren't so pretty. Eventually I asked one of the football coaches for rides for Smyth and he was always gracious. But still, in the back of my mind I just wished they would manage their time better so I could manage mine!! If the clean up and the meetings are so important, budget time for them in the practice and stick to the schedule. It would certainly make my carpool time more relaxed knowing exact end times!! I really became grumpy when I would leave my high school student's game to pick my middle school student up from practice only to sit in a parking lot - waiting for another 20 minutes, missing the second half of the game.
Today was one of those days. Our baseball double header was rained out so a last minute batting practice was called for 2pm. No end time in the email - oops!! I sent Smyth with his cell phone, but then ran into one of the coaches in the parking lot. He told me it would be an hour, and if it is different, he would have Smyth text me. OK, fair enough. I did get a text telling me the practice would be and hour and a half so whoo hoo, schedule the errands. John is out of town, so I time everything and head back to the school at the designated time. Yet I ended up sitting there another 30 minutes.
At this point I would like to write an open letter to all youth coaches. I would tell them that I completely understand they are volunteers and I appreciate the time commitment they invest in these athletes. I would let them know my husband has volunteered to coach both youth basketball and baseball for more then 14 years, so I really do understand their time commitment is tremendous. The one piece of constructive criticism I would give is that they need to honor my time commitment too, especially when I have two to three children to pick up at the exact same time from three different locations. I would love to say my husband is diligent in this area when he coaches, but honestly he needs to hear it too. Families in sports often run on a tight time schedule in the evening, so when you think the wisdom you need to pass along to the athletes right after practice is more important than keeping to the schedule you sent out in an email - think again. We also teach these athletes a lot about time management. So speaking for all the parents with multiple children playing on multiple teams, just tell me when practice really ends and I'll be there.
Friday, March 8, 2013
Thanking God for Modern Medicine
I am so thankful for the medical procedures today. I know that if I lived in a different era, I probably wouldn't be alive. But instead, I lay here counting my blessings and thanking God for guiding the surgeon's hands, for keeping me infection-free and for living in a time when these procedures can be done. These were not the prayers I said a few days ago, those were more in line with "God, please keep me calm!" Either way I was brought comfort: at first it was spiritual comfort and now it is physical comfort.
It amazes me what modern medicine is able to do these days. We all know people who have undergone procedures that seemingly mirror what used to be portrayed in sci-fi movies. We live in that reality today, amazing! John had a dental implant after a root canal gone bad. Really? Who thought of placing a titanium rod into a person's jawbone to anchor a crown? Actually John is a walking science experiment of sorts, as he has donated ligaments and screws holding both knees together. Kind of a bizarre concept when you really think about it.
So why am I reflecting on the miracles of modern medicine? I am recovering from a second eye surgery to reposition muscles in my eyes. I used to have to work really hard to keep both eyes looking at the same object, then they would fatigue and split the image so I would see two of the same object. Big objects were easier to track (like cars) but small objects were impossible (like reading). A few years ago they were able to take one of the palsied muscles off the right eye and sew in back on in a lower (or looser) position. This week I had a similar surgery to repair what an autoimmune disease did to this weak point in my left eye. Currently I look like boxer who lost a fight, but I know it is amazing what modern medicine is capable of these days. But even more important than that, I know that God has guided my steps through a long (17 month process) journey that finally got me to this point.
This surgery was actually scheduled for August so I would have time to recover before school started back up. I had some reservations about it as there were several things wrong with the eye and no one really understood why it happened. I have a 4th cranial nerve palsy which was previously fixed, but seemed to come undone. I have Grave's Disease and that caused some Thyroid-related opthalmopathy. The question remained: are the two related or was it a coincidence they flared up at the same time? So, one specialist at Casey called the other and suggested we cancel the surgery and treat the Grave's Disease part of the equation first. So five specialists, countless interns and residents (who were brought in to see the "medical freak" as it is rare for these two issues to coexist), 12 weeks of IV steroid infusions and seven months later the surgery date was set again. While no one really knows all the answers on my case, I felt much better going the long route to get here. I have seen every specialist that might have an opinion on my case, listened, and prayed. So this time as the surgery date approached, I felt much better - even though it was the exact same surgery with the exact same surgeon. This time I was at peace with it.
So I thank God for the wonders of modern medicine today and that we live so close to a resource such as Casey Eye Institute. I also thank God for the support I have had along the way, particularly John's help - and when he wasn't available - my friend Jennifer who rearranged her work schedule to go with me for everyone of those darn IV infusions. And I am sure my family thanks God that I am done with those incredibly high doses of steroids!! So here's to seeing straight again, and for living in an era when diseases and injuries have the benefit of modern medicine and prayer.
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| I used to hold my head at an angle to help my eyes focus on the same object. Draw an imaginary line from my nose to my chin to see the tilt. |
So why am I reflecting on the miracles of modern medicine? I am recovering from a second eye surgery to reposition muscles in my eyes. I used to have to work really hard to keep both eyes looking at the same object, then they would fatigue and split the image so I would see two of the same object. Big objects were easier to track (like cars) but small objects were impossible (like reading). A few years ago they were able to take one of the palsied muscles off the right eye and sew in back on in a lower (or looser) position. This week I had a similar surgery to repair what an autoimmune disease did to this weak point in my left eye. Currently I look like boxer who lost a fight, but I know it is amazing what modern medicine is capable of these days. But even more important than that, I know that God has guided my steps through a long (17 month process) journey that finally got me to this point.
 |
| I was a Beanie Baby for Halloween. My principal saw my head tilt when she took the picture and commented, "aw, you cocked your head, it looks so cute." Little did she know it was so I could align my eyes to see one camera. |
So I thank God for the wonders of modern medicine today and that we live so close to a resource such as Casey Eye Institute. I also thank God for the support I have had along the way, particularly John's help - and when he wasn't available - my friend Jennifer who rearranged her work schedule to go with me for everyone of those darn IV infusions. And I am sure my family thanks God that I am done with those incredibly high doses of steroids!! So here's to seeing straight again, and for living in an era when diseases and injuries have the benefit of modern medicine and prayer.
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
A Mother Can Only Be as Happy as...
When my children were all small a very insightful mom told me "a mother can only be as happy as her least happiest child." This wise mother is John's cousin Jane. Her boys were in high school and college at the time, and she was staying in Portland because one of her boys was hospitalized here. That phrase has stayed with me over these years and when things get rough with raising teens, I often reflect back on it.
Six weeks ago Jack was diagnosed with mono. Certainly not a terminal disease, but one that has brought a lot of stress into our lives. Although Jack is through with the acute phase of mono, he relapsed and the fatigue drags on as the homework assignments pile up. Additionally, he does not intrinsically want to eat. He lost twenty pounds in the first couple of weeks as he had no appetite and it hurt to swallow, so he didn't. He is slowly putting some meat back on his bones, but it takes reminding and planning.
Jack is a Junior in high school and carries a pretty strenuous class load. He has three college level classes, two math classes and a foreign language which is much more academic rigor then I ever took! Now, did I mention he hasn't been in school for the past six weeks and it doesn't look like he is going back any time soon? Between this and the weight loss, much of what I do revolves around mono.
These last few days I have wrestled with some different strategies for getting Jack caught up before the end of the semester (which is only 21 school days away). John and I thought that between both our gifts and talents we should be able to teach several of these content areas to Jack and get him caught up. But did you know that people with mono aren't awake for long periods of time? Jack can sleep for 14-16 hours straight, be awake for four or five hours, then sleep for another ten hours straight. It is much easier to figure out a strategy to help him gain back some weight then it is to catch up on the school work!
As I mentioned earlier, I have wrestled with some different educational strategies. One that was suggested was a getting a Home Teacher from the school district. It sounds simple on the surface - the student has been out of school for the most part for six weeks so he should qualify for this service. But, this brings about a boat load of questions for me: How will this look on his college transcript? Will he still be eligible to play basketball once he is healthy? Will they teach the same classes or minimize his current schedule? Who will issue the grade - the Home Teacher or school teacher? Now I am sure some of you paused when you read the word basketball, but that is an intergal part of my struggle. It would be easy for me to tell him "we need to focus on academics and not worry about sports" - but I know basketball is a very strong motivator for Jack. So on the surface this strategy sounds simple, but the more I think about it, the more complicated it is. Hence, I have been wrestling with this decision.
So reflecting back on what Jane said so many years ago, I now understand her meaning. Although Jack is not technically unhappy (tired, and at times crabby), the mono has brought about some parenting stress. I plan his meals, monitor his caloric intake, call the school everyday, email all his teachers, plan with Jack what one class he can manage to go to the next day, work with him during his peak time to get some work done, triage with Jack and John the assignments, and more. It is hard to find happiness when juggling all these things and when I look at him I know I am shouldering more of the stress in this situation. I guess that goes with the parenting role, and what Jane said, "a mother can only be as happy as her least happiest child."
I pray when this chapter has past I can look back and know I made the right choice. I signed the paper today that will hopefully bring us help as we dig out of this hole I shall name "the mono pit." I pray it does not have a negative impact on his ability to play basketball when he is healthy or longer term consequences on his final transcript. I pray he regains his health soon and is able to return to school full time. I pray for patience as I seem to have run out. Most of all, I pray that each of my children will be happy and healthy at the same time, so this mama may also be happy.
Six weeks ago Jack was diagnosed with mono. Certainly not a terminal disease, but one that has brought a lot of stress into our lives. Although Jack is through with the acute phase of mono, he relapsed and the fatigue drags on as the homework assignments pile up. Additionally, he does not intrinsically want to eat. He lost twenty pounds in the first couple of weeks as he had no appetite and it hurt to swallow, so he didn't. He is slowly putting some meat back on his bones, but it takes reminding and planning.
Jack is a Junior in high school and carries a pretty strenuous class load. He has three college level classes, two math classes and a foreign language which is much more academic rigor then I ever took! Now, did I mention he hasn't been in school for the past six weeks and it doesn't look like he is going back any time soon? Between this and the weight loss, much of what I do revolves around mono.
These last few days I have wrestled with some different strategies for getting Jack caught up before the end of the semester (which is only 21 school days away). John and I thought that between both our gifts and talents we should be able to teach several of these content areas to Jack and get him caught up. But did you know that people with mono aren't awake for long periods of time? Jack can sleep for 14-16 hours straight, be awake for four or five hours, then sleep for another ten hours straight. It is much easier to figure out a strategy to help him gain back some weight then it is to catch up on the school work!
As I mentioned earlier, I have wrestled with some different educational strategies. One that was suggested was a getting a Home Teacher from the school district. It sounds simple on the surface - the student has been out of school for the most part for six weeks so he should qualify for this service. But, this brings about a boat load of questions for me: How will this look on his college transcript? Will he still be eligible to play basketball once he is healthy? Will they teach the same classes or minimize his current schedule? Who will issue the grade - the Home Teacher or school teacher? Now I am sure some of you paused when you read the word basketball, but that is an intergal part of my struggle. It would be easy for me to tell him "we need to focus on academics and not worry about sports" - but I know basketball is a very strong motivator for Jack. So on the surface this strategy sounds simple, but the more I think about it, the more complicated it is. Hence, I have been wrestling with this decision.
So reflecting back on what Jane said so many years ago, I now understand her meaning. Although Jack is not technically unhappy (tired, and at times crabby), the mono has brought about some parenting stress. I plan his meals, monitor his caloric intake, call the school everyday, email all his teachers, plan with Jack what one class he can manage to go to the next day, work with him during his peak time to get some work done, triage with Jack and John the assignments, and more. It is hard to find happiness when juggling all these things and when I look at him I know I am shouldering more of the stress in this situation. I guess that goes with the parenting role, and what Jane said, "a mother can only be as happy as her least happiest child."
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| All three kids - happy at the same time - make for a happy mama. |
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
I Hate Shopping
I do not find joy in shopping. It doesn't matter if it is shopping for food, clothes or cowboy boots, "Retail Therapy" in not in my vocabulary. I often try to bribe one of my children to go food shopping with me just to make the experience a little more pleasant. There is probably one exception to this rule of mine and that is if the shopping means I get to spend time with someone I care about, then I will make the sacrifice.
Now, you might think this next fact is totally contradictory to the above statement, but hear me out. I enjoy Black Friday. I am sure most of you just cringed with that thought, but let me explain. When the kids were little I could get up at 4am, do all the Christmas shopping and still be back by breakfast. In those days I longed to do anything by myself, especially since that meant I did not have to contend with the three car seats while listening to Disney songs on the radio, so it worked. As each of the kids hit middle school age, they began to join me on this annual expedition. At first I thought, "ugh, now I can't buy their gifts!" Soon I realized that at the same time they showed interest in joining me, their Christmas list desires usually meant buying them one gift rather then the little things I used to pick out. And so it began, a morning in which all three kids willingly wake up before dawn to join me for Black Friday.
Keep in mind, the part about shopping that I like is spending time with people. We now have a system down pat in which all three kids participate. We start by making out our strategies after all the Thanksgiving festivities are done. We each make a list of what we need to buy to eliminate impulse shopping. Emily prints out the store maps detailing where the items we are interested in are located. Jack and Smyth help me scan the circulars in Thursday's newspaper and making lists. Once we have gathered all our data, we make a plan. So for me, the enjoyment of Black Friday begins with the team work the night before. The kids each figure out their Christmas budgets and make their lists of people to buy for, all the while I listen carefully to see what each really wants this year.
We view Black Friday as a competitive event in a way. We aren't competing again each other, but the preparation and execution of Black Friday is like training for a football game. We don't necessarily go out and practice, but we do come up with something close to a playbook and study it carefully. We itemize the "plays" in order of importance and scarcity and then commit the strategy to paper. This preparation part is the key to me enjoying the morning. Sitting around the table with the kids figuring out the plan of action all the while enjoying the side bar conversations, that is the best part.
Once we are out the door, we operate like a well oiled machine. We know what to expect at each store so we put our plans into action. Sometimes that involves having someone immediately grab an empty cart and stand in line while the rest of us scurry about the store grabbing the items on our list. We use our cell phones to track each other's where abouts and meet back to unload at the cart. We will rotate out who stands in line so everyone gets a turn shopping.
Oddly enough I am at the point where I don't need to go out on Black Friday since the kids typically want specific items. Yet I find myself wanting to be part of the process just to be with them. We have made it a bit of a tradition and end up telling stories about it throughout the year. So when I say "I hate shopping" I really need to clarify that I only hate mundane or pointless shopping, because apparently I have a like for waking up at pre-dawn hours and joining the masses for the busiest shopping day of the year - but with some great company. And if I played my cards right, I will not have to go out Christmas shopping for another 364 days, and that thought makes me very happy.
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| I remember the days of going to Toys R Us and getting all the gifts for the children. I didn't realize how easy that was at the time! |
Keep in mind, the part about shopping that I like is spending time with people. We now have a system down pat in which all three kids participate. We start by making out our strategies after all the Thanksgiving festivities are done. We each make a list of what we need to buy to eliminate impulse shopping. Emily prints out the store maps detailing where the items we are interested in are located. Jack and Smyth help me scan the circulars in Thursday's newspaper and making lists. Once we have gathered all our data, we make a plan. So for me, the enjoyment of Black Friday begins with the team work the night before. The kids each figure out their Christmas budgets and make their lists of people to buy for, all the while I listen carefully to see what each really wants this year.
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| Research and strategy, together as a team. That is the part I enjoy! |
Once we are out the door, we operate like a well oiled machine. We know what to expect at each store so we put our plans into action. Sometimes that involves having someone immediately grab an empty cart and stand in line while the rest of us scurry about the store grabbing the items on our list. We use our cell phones to track each other's where abouts and meet back to unload at the cart. We will rotate out who stands in line so everyone gets a turn shopping.
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| Teamwork gets us through our list efficiently, with the goal of not having to go back to the malls between now and Christmas. |
Oddly enough I am at the point where I don't need to go out on Black Friday since the kids typically want specific items. Yet I find myself wanting to be part of the process just to be with them. We have made it a bit of a tradition and end up telling stories about it throughout the year. So when I say "I hate shopping" I really need to clarify that I only hate mundane or pointless shopping, because apparently I have a like for waking up at pre-dawn hours and joining the masses for the busiest shopping day of the year - but with some great company. And if I played my cards right, I will not have to go out Christmas shopping for another 364 days, and that thought makes me very happy.
Friday, October 26, 2012
It is Hard to Always Look on the Bright Side, Seriously Hard
I always try to be an optimist. I say "try" because at times it is easier for the pendulum to swing the other way and focus on the negative. Some situations are easier than others, but it seems that lately I have had to push myself to frame certain experiences in a positive light. An example of an easier situation is sending Emily off to college. When I miss her, I immediately remind myself of how great she is doing, how ready for this she is, and we have so many easy ways to stay in touch through social media than when I went off to college. There, I just put that in a positive frame and I feel better. But there are situations that just drag me down. I am certain if I made a pro/con list for these, the cons would out number the pros. That is when I have hard time staying positive. I try to cue myself to think positively, but it doesn't always last long. Today I realized that maybe I am struggling so much with this because I have two areas in my life that take a lot of energy to stay positive about. That alone might be the draining factor. One area is hard enough, but two areas is very stressful.
This is a difficult year to be an educator in my town. Our District has dealt with the economy over the past couple of years by finding and consolidating resources so there would be minimal impact in the actual classroom. This year the reserves are spent and any non-classroom cuts were done in previous years, so we experienced a massive wave of teacher lay offs. Needless to say the stress level is high as we adapt to incredibly large class sizes and a new schedule coupled with learning a new computer system for tracking everything from attendance to grades. I returned to my middle school this year to find some of my close friends were laid off or transferred to other locations. I mourn the loss of support from these people in a time when I need it the most. I try to frame this in a positive light focusing on the fact that I still have a job, I didn't have to move classrooms or buildings, I really like the people still in my building and I still love working with the students. But then something will trigger all the stress all over again, and I am thinking about the loss all over again.
Maybe I would have the strength to deal with all these changes if I weren't also dealing with some health issues. Five years ago I was diagnosed with Graves' Disease and experienced a constellation of health issues. Graves' is an autoimmune disease that starts with difficulties with the thyroid. I had a tumor twice the size of the normal thyroid gland at the time of my diagnosis. I experienced everything from a tremor in my hands, heart palpitations, hair loss and insomnia. After the diagnosis I had issues with anxiety and depression as well. Once the thyroid was gone and we were able to get my blood levels under control, these symptoms subsided. I mistakenly thought taking my thyroid medication would prevent me from dealing with any further issues associated with Graves. I was wrong.
A year ago I noticed a weird swelling above and below one of my eyes. I noticed it mostly when I put make up on or in photos on me. People assured me it didn't look odd to them, but as October progressed into November the swelling didn't go away. I tried icing it, changing out all my make up and resting. I made an appointment with my eye doctor thinking maybe it was a strange stye or something. She couldn't find the root of it, but was concerned enough to refer me onto a specialist. That was a year ago and I have been to three different eye specialists as this continued to progress into the muscles and soft tissues around the eye swelled changing both the structure and movement of the right eye, and causing a vision change. Each specialist ordered tests and came up with a surgical plan to correct one symptom or another. Days before the first surgery I went to the third specialist as recommended by the second specialist to rule out Mysthenia Gravis. He did, but he also ruled out the surgery and did tests and blood work to confirm the ultimate diagnosis. It was the Graves' Disease flaring up again. Really? I thought I was done with that! My right eye has a small bit of protrusion compared to the left, but not noticeable for most to see. Basically this diagnosis means I am currently on my way to Marty Feldman eye(s).
In August I started an IV Infusion treatment that will run the course of three months. Initially it was a struggle, I was anxious about the process and the side effects. I was also really bummed that the timing meant John couldn't go with me because just like the first time the Graves' Disease flared up, it was football season. I am blessed with a friend who rearranged her busy schedule to go and sit with me each week, which has reduced my anxiety and frustration immensely. But the stress remains as I just completed week 10 and I see no difference in the level of swelling. They have and will again measure through blood work to see if my antibody levels go down, but I see nothing different on the outside. Surgery will be done, but I think the tissues have to resume their natural state first, and clearly I can't control the timing.
These two factors coinciding have tested my ability to be an optimist. I can tell you all the blessings in my life, but add one more layer of stress - like food shopping - and I am grumpy as all get out! Work stress and health issues are not conducive in my world. So what in this can I control? I guess it goes back to my attitude. Of the diseases out there, this one is chronic, but not life threatening. I have a job doing what I love. Just frame the positives, deal with the other stuff, but don't let it own me. I guess I can still be an optimist, as long as I remind myself. So instead of feeling negative about the insomnia side effect from the IV Infusions, I will just think of it as increased productivity time. After all, I tend to write these blogs between 1-5am. That's positive, isn't it?
This is a difficult year to be an educator in my town. Our District has dealt with the economy over the past couple of years by finding and consolidating resources so there would be minimal impact in the actual classroom. This year the reserves are spent and any non-classroom cuts were done in previous years, so we experienced a massive wave of teacher lay offs. Needless to say the stress level is high as we adapt to incredibly large class sizes and a new schedule coupled with learning a new computer system for tracking everything from attendance to grades. I returned to my middle school this year to find some of my close friends were laid off or transferred to other locations. I mourn the loss of support from these people in a time when I need it the most. I try to frame this in a positive light focusing on the fact that I still have a job, I didn't have to move classrooms or buildings, I really like the people still in my building and I still love working with the students. But then something will trigger all the stress all over again, and I am thinking about the loss all over again.
Maybe I would have the strength to deal with all these changes if I weren't also dealing with some health issues. Five years ago I was diagnosed with Graves' Disease and experienced a constellation of health issues. Graves' is an autoimmune disease that starts with difficulties with the thyroid. I had a tumor twice the size of the normal thyroid gland at the time of my diagnosis. I experienced everything from a tremor in my hands, heart palpitations, hair loss and insomnia. After the diagnosis I had issues with anxiety and depression as well. Once the thyroid was gone and we were able to get my blood levels under control, these symptoms subsided. I mistakenly thought taking my thyroid medication would prevent me from dealing with any further issues associated with Graves. I was wrong.
A year ago I noticed a weird swelling above and below one of my eyes. I noticed it mostly when I put make up on or in photos on me. People assured me it didn't look odd to them, but as October progressed into November the swelling didn't go away. I tried icing it, changing out all my make up and resting. I made an appointment with my eye doctor thinking maybe it was a strange stye or something. She couldn't find the root of it, but was concerned enough to refer me onto a specialist. That was a year ago and I have been to three different eye specialists as this continued to progress into the muscles and soft tissues around the eye swelled changing both the structure and movement of the right eye, and causing a vision change. Each specialist ordered tests and came up with a surgical plan to correct one symptom or another. Days before the first surgery I went to the third specialist as recommended by the second specialist to rule out Mysthenia Gravis. He did, but he also ruled out the surgery and did tests and blood work to confirm the ultimate diagnosis. It was the Graves' Disease flaring up again. Really? I thought I was done with that! My right eye has a small bit of protrusion compared to the left, but not noticeable for most to see. Basically this diagnosis means I am currently on my way to Marty Feldman eye(s).
In August I started an IV Infusion treatment that will run the course of three months. Initially it was a struggle, I was anxious about the process and the side effects. I was also really bummed that the timing meant John couldn't go with me because just like the first time the Graves' Disease flared up, it was football season. I am blessed with a friend who rearranged her busy schedule to go and sit with me each week, which has reduced my anxiety and frustration immensely. But the stress remains as I just completed week 10 and I see no difference in the level of swelling. They have and will again measure through blood work to see if my antibody levels go down, but I see nothing different on the outside. Surgery will be done, but I think the tissues have to resume their natural state first, and clearly I can't control the timing.
These two factors coinciding have tested my ability to be an optimist. I can tell you all the blessings in my life, but add one more layer of stress - like food shopping - and I am grumpy as all get out! Work stress and health issues are not conducive in my world. So what in this can I control? I guess it goes back to my attitude. Of the diseases out there, this one is chronic, but not life threatening. I have a job doing what I love. Just frame the positives, deal with the other stuff, but don't let it own me. I guess I can still be an optimist, as long as I remind myself. So instead of feeling negative about the insomnia side effect from the IV Infusions, I will just think of it as increased productivity time. After all, I tend to write these blogs between 1-5am. That's positive, isn't it?
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
Family Traditions
 |
| Just the kids on Christmas Eve... too many adults to get in one picture! |
I have always been intentional about creating “family
traditions.” We moved away from our
immediate family, which meant we had to come up with things that could morph
into traditions. Some have worked, such
as inviting anyone from church who didn’t have a better plan, to come to our
house for Christmas Eve. Other attempts
at creating a family tradition have not fared as well, such as waiting until
Easter to color eggs because the week before was too busy. Nothing like having the house smell like
vinegar, clothes stained and everyone’s fingers a weird shade of purple just as
company arrives. Lesson learned.
My children are all teenagers now, which poses it’s own set
of challenges, but I have noticed how some of the traditions have become
important to them. For several years we
invited friends over on Halloween for a chili dinner, followed by some trick or
treating. When the kids returned to the
house, they set up this elaborate inventory and
trade event. A few years ago I wasn’t
feeling well and wanted to bag the whole thing.
My daughter looked at me in disbelief and said, “make a list of what
needs to be done and I will take care of it.”
Mind you, I wasn’t canceling Halloween I simply didn’t want to
entertain. The next thing I know the
house was sort of clean and she made me a shopping list. Clearly she wasn’t letting go of this
tradition.
 |
| Our Annual Labor Day at Cannon Beach tradition |
Two years ago I booked a white water rafting trip
down the Deschutes. Needless to say we
had a blast. This past year I asked the
kids if they wanted to do it again to which one of my boys said, “It’s
tradition.” I didn’t realize doing it
once made it tradition – but I will go along.
Really any day in which we are all together and they get a long sounds
like a dream come true.
Recently a friend told me my son was over at her house
hanging out with her son. After a while
my son got up and said he was heading home because his family was “doing
something fun” so had to go. I have no
idea what exactly he was referring to, but I like the idea that he felt an urge
to come home and spend time with his family.
They might groan when I tell them not to make plans on a certain day so
we can have family time, but part of me thinks they actually
appreciate it.
 |
| For years the annual Christmas Tree Hunt ended when someone was in tears. Somewhere along the line they learned the fine art of compromise. |
This all sounds rather Norman Rockwell-ish, because I can
gloss over the time we went on a camping trip without Emily’s bag. She was left to sort through the boys’ extra
clothes and call it good. Or there was
the time when the kids were little and we were on a road trip through
California when we suddenly realized Emily’s Pocahontas sleeping bag flew off
the top of the car. Bad things didn’t
always happen to Emily though. We took
an extended trip to the east coast one summer and somewhere along the line lost Jack’s special blanky. Imagine a
preschooler on a long vacation without his most precious belonging. Or there was the time the kids were all
working with John in the garden when we noticed Smyth was eating the food
scraps in the compost pile. So you get
the idea that not everything we do turns out well.
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